The Attaché; or, Sam Slick in England — Volume 02 by Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"It requires some experience, that's a fact. But let John Bull alone for that; he is a critter that thinks he knows every thing; and if you told him he didn't, he wouldn't believe you, not he. He'd only pity your ignorance, and look dreadful sorry for you. Oh if you want to see high life, come and see "a colonial gander pulling."

"'Tying up a goose, Sir, is no great harm,' sais I, 'seein' that a goose was made to be killed, picked and devoured, and nothin' else. Tyin' up a colonist by the heels is another thing. I don't think it right; but I don't know nothin'; I've had the book too close to my eyes. Joe H--e, that never was there, can tell you twice as much as I can about the colonies. The focus to see right, as I said afore, is three thousand miles off.'

"'Well,' sais he, 'that's a capital illustration, Mr. Slick. There is more in that than meets the ear. Don't tell me you don't know nothin' about the colonies; few men know so much as you do. I wish to heavens you was a colonist,' sais he; 'if you were, I would offer you a government.'

"'I don't doubt it,' sais I; 'seein' that your department have advanced or rewarded so many colonists already.' But I don't think he heard that shot, and I warn't sorry for it; for it's not right to be a pokin' it into a perlite man, is it?

"'I must tell the Queen that story of _the Gander Pulling_,' sais he; 'I like it amazingly. It's a capital caricature. I'll send the idea to H. B. Pray name some day when you are disengaged; I hope you will give me the pleasure of dining with me. Will this day fortnight suit you?'

"'Thank you,' sais I, 'I shall have great pleasure.'

"He railly was a gentlemany man that. He was so good natured, and took the joke so well, I was kinder sorry I played it off on him. I hante see'd no man to England I affection so much as Mr. Tact, I swear! I begin to think, arter all, it was the right of _sarchin' vessels_ he wanted to talk to me about, instead of _sarchin' me_, as I suspicioned. It don't do always _to look for motives, men often act without any_. The next time, if he axes me, I'll talk plain, and jist tell him what I _do_ think; but still, if he reads that riddle right, he may larn a good deal, too, from the story of "the Gander Pulling," mayn't he?"

CHAPTER V.

THE BLACK STOLE.